When Unfamiliar Becomes Familiar

It has been over a year since my last blog post. It is like a weight that sits upon my shoulders.  I don’t really have anything new to say and I don’t like this just hanging out there with no ending. This is my attempt at an ending.

 I guess reality dictates that sometimes chapters end and others start, sometimes unfamiliar just quite frankly, becomes familiar.

I have loved sharing my story. I have loved sharing our adventures. I have loved sharing the goodness of God and how he has transformed my life, my marriage and continues to lead me on a personal journey of faith. (If you have never seen my story please feel free to visit the archives listed over on the right hand side of this page)

In May we celebrated 5 years of traveling. Can you believe it? 5 YEARS!

When we started out we would even fight over how to put up the awning!  Now we know who does what and we have become somewhat of a well oiled machine when setting up and tearing down.  We know where we like to stop for the nights, while traveling and we know we both love the same out of the way places and the  side roads that get us there. We both abhor the boredom of the interstates and their lack of character. I would rather have my fingernails pulled out than travel on the interstate. We love National Forests, National Parks and we love camping for weeks at a time. When traveling we enjoy senior coffees and a breakfast sandwich at McDonald’s. We pretty much enjoy the same things and I guess that is a good thing when you live our lifestyle.

Oh, did I leave the impression that there is never any friction between us?  Hahahaha.  Have you seen the size of our home?

To those who know me personally, I will see you on Facebook, maybe even in your home someday. If we are not friends yet, feel free to find me on Facebook. I am listed as Debbie Melander Miller.  I love making new friends.

Thank you to those who have taken a moment to reply or comment to any of my blogs from Day 1 until now. It meant so much to hear that my story may have touched your life.  Thank you to those of you who have supported us with your prayers. I would ask that you continue.

So, this chapter of my life ends here. Unfamiliar became familiar.  It just seems right.

…….And Joy Fills my Heart

I love coming home………..

I come from the Village of Ballston Spa, where Low Street (which is not the lowest) tees into High Street (which is not the highest), South Street is on the north side of town and Pleasant Street, where I grew up, was anything but Pleasant.

I was sexually molested by the age of 6 and it would last several years. When I told my grandmother at the very beginning, she replied by telling me that that is what boys do. (I wish I had been born a boy.)

At 12 I learned that my dad had mental problems and at least once I got to visit the state mental hospital in Utica, where men attempt climbing the walls, women rock and everyone screams or moans.

Around the same time, my mother told me, just before dropping me off at school, that she never planned on becoming emotionally involved with any of her children. (I had already figured that out)

At 15 I thought I had finally found love, but it was only in the back seat of a car and only until he found out I was pregnant.  (I ended up illegally aborting the baby because it was what was expected by my family and I wasn’t brave enough to run away)

I did get to graduate but then our house burned down.

A couple months later I got married and found out while still on my honeymoon that my husband had a girlfriend.  (Yes, you read that correctly)

You ask me, why would I love coming home?  Ah, excellent question!

I love coming home because nothing reveals how far you have come more than remembering where you started.

I now walk along Low St, which is still not the lowest, and I thank God for His salvation and peace fills my heart.

I walk along High St, which is still not the highest, and I thank God for His mercy and love fills my heart.

I travel down South St, which is still on the north side of town, and I thank God for His grace and faith floods my heart.

And most importantly, I can now smile as I journey down Pleasant St, knowing that my life has been in His hands the whole time and He will never let me go……..

and joy fills my heart.

Good Enough for Me

I have a confession to make.

Sometimes, ok, maybe even most of the time, I hate this blog.  Sometimes I want to shut it down and not have to think about it anymore.

My thought in starting it was to write about things that inspired me during our travels, but I don’t feel all that inspired a lot of the time.

Oh, please don’t get me wrong, I love what we do.  I love meeting new people and hearing their stories.  I love being able to visit friends and family from all over the country, something we would not be able to do, was it not for our little trailer and the goodness of God.  I love the peace and quiet of the campgrounds that we find and I love the freedom to go wherever.

There are times that I write and hardly anyone reads it, and I wonder why I bother.  I have nothing that special to say.  Why would anyone care?

But then…………

Every once in a while I get an email or a message thanking me for writing what I did because someone read my blog and realized they were not alone in their struggle of same sex attraction or their grief of having an abortion many years ago.  It might be that they too felt the neglect of parents or went through mental abuse. They tell me that they  have struggled in a marriage that hasn’t always been so happy or of their childhood where molesting also happened to them.  I have heard from people who have kept their childhood secrets in a very safe place, but hate the bondage that those secrets have created.

And then, once again, I am reminded that there is a bigger picture here. It is not about how many people read this blog or even about how many people like this blog.  It is all about that “one special person” that God might want to reach through my writing.  It is just about me being faithful to write it.  It is not my job to do the rest.

I think someday I will meet that,”one special person,”  in heaven that I made an impact on and I will be so thankful that I wrote this blog and that is good enough for me.

In The Heart of a 5 Year Old.

Everyone thinks about eternity at some point in life. I was 5.

A friend of the family, an older gentleman, had just died and of course I had questions.

I was told that the angels had come and taken him to heaven and as I laid on my bed that particular night my mind tried to conceive of heaven and “FOREVER”. I tried to think of going back in time forever or forward forever and as you might have discovered for yourself, forever is hard to comprehend.

I remember thinking about the orderliness and awesomeness of things. The multitude of stars, the beauty of the seasons, the ongoing depth of blue sky all spoke to me of love and purpose. How could all this stuff just happen accidentally?

I called out to my dad as he passed by my bedroom door. “Dad, What do you think happens when we die?” “Nothing,” he said, “We just die.”

I thought that was the dumbest and saddest thing I had ever heard. I know a child usually looks to their parent for truth, but in this case, even at that age, I disagreed with my dad.

It would be years later before I would hear the good news of a savior and begin a personal walk with Jesus but it was there, that night that I settled my question of eternity.

As I grow older, now 61, I become more and more aware of what awaits me on the other side and less and less of the here and now. I look in the mirror and am amazed that this is me. My body aches with age but my soul, the part of me that will live on is forever in my 20’s. I think the fact that we forever feel young is just more proof that we are eternal beings.

I love that I have this memory. I love that I can look back on my life and see the hand of God. I love that He has led me all of these years. I love that the question of eternity, for me, was settled in the heart of a 5 year old.

Are We Having Fun? (4th Year Anniversary on the Road)

When I was somewhere around the age of 5, I found myself encased and smothered in a huge orange life preserver being placed in a small boat, with my grandfather manning the motor that was setting out for the other side of the lake.

Snake Hill, an icon, on Saratoga Lake, was to be the destination.  Evidently this was something that people do for entertainment but I wasn’t feeling it.

As we started out from the dock it seemed safe enough but then the front of the boat lifted up as my grandpa started to go faster.

With wide eyes I jerked my head toward my grandpa to see if he was scared too, but he was smiling as he scoped out his destination.

“Grandpa,” I shouted into the wind. “Are we having fun?”

“Yes,” he shouted back. “We ARE having fun!”

“Oh, good,” I replied.  “I like having fun.”

Although life isn’t just about having fun, I do think that the one who created me enjoys my joy, as I follow Him.  I think He delights in the wonder I see as I look out over the vast mountains aglow in the early morning sunrise or stand in the spray of the ocean as it bangs against the rocks.

I think He enjoys setting up divine appointments for us, that ALWAYS amaze me.  I love meeting the new people that He has put in our lives.  I enjoy seeing what happens as we begin everyday asking, ” OK God, what are we doing today?”

May 23rd marks our 4th year on the road.  Are we having fun?  Well, not every moment has been a dream come true, but yes, overall, it has been an amazing ride!

“I Can See You.”

Earlier this year my soon to be 86 year old father in upstate NY asked if it was possible for us to “swing by” on our way from Indiana to Florida to look at him to see if he is getting older. I, of course, smiled, and decided it was something that we needed to do.

As we visited I realized that his idea of a visit entailed him, with his ear bud in his ear, watching tv as I sat on his bed checking Facebook, email and texts.

I didn’t say anything to him about it but then a few days later my younger sister also came to visit and when I walked in and saw her sitting there, doing the same thing I had been doing, I mentioned it to her.

She turned and called out to my dad who had to remove his ear bud to hear. She had to scream as she asked, “Are you enjoying my visit?” He replied with a shaky voice, “Yes, very much.”

She once again with a loud voice questioned him. “Dad, I am just sitting here, what difference does it make that I am here?”

As he turned his attention back to the tv, replacing his ear bud in his ear with a shaky hand, he replied with the weak voice of an elderly man, “I can see you.”

I have thought of his answer often since that day. I have realized the importance of being there for him during this time.

My family has encouraged him to come to Orlando, where he can be around family. I recognize God’s hand in this, so beginning this weekend, our adventure takes a turn as we settle down, for now, into a lifestyle of day to day service to my dad.

So, I will be traveling beyond familiar as never before. The unfamiliar that I once knew, has now become familiar, but this, this is unfamiliar!

Although I may not know much about caring for an elderly person, I do know how to be where he can see me.

For now, this is our journey.

Please pray that I will learn contentment as we sit and learn a new dimension of Traveling Beyond Familiar.

9 Months, 20 States. Whew!

   

What a great time we had on our western USA trip!

As you know we traveled west out of Chicago to LA along Route 66 which was an amazing adventure.  It was filled with iconic landmarks that reminded me of “the good old days” of the early 60’s.  The highway still had the thump, thump, thump of a day long ago, lined with motor inns and ice cream stands.  If you have never traveled this route, it is worth the time.

By the time we returned to Indiana, the very end of July we had traveled to 20 states and completed my visit to all of the 48 lower states.

What I learned is that that are amazing people out there.  We met people at almost every stop along the way and I am blessed to have many newly formed friendships that I cherish and look forward to continuing.

When I began this blog over 3 years ago, I knew that we were setting out on an adventure with uncertainty surrounding almost every turn.  I must admit though that after 3 years, the “Unfamiliar” aspect of traveling is becoming more and more familiar.

I always love a new adventure, though, and I continue to look at new routes and new adventures.

I want to thank all of you that pray for us.  The Lord’s continual leading is what we enjoy the most and we look forward to what He has for us next.

 

 

Turning 60! Leavenworth, Washington and Me. The Story of Two Miracles.

This weekend I am celebrating my 60th birthday in Leavenworth, Washington.

I didn’t know we would be here. I never plan that far ahead to link up geographical locations with life events but, here we are and it is my birthday.

The story of Leavenworth is an interesting one.

In the 60’s, with the loss of the logging industry, then the railroad, the town was going broke. Leavenworth was fast declining into what would soon be a ghost town, if not rescued by someone or something.

The townspeople got together and with the surrounding snow capped mountains and lush countryside giving them inspiration they decided to recreate the town with a Swiss/Bavarian theme.

Today they have over 2 million visitors a year and the town is thriving. It is indeed a miracle town, with a miracle story.

So, that is a great story, you say but what exactly is the comparison between my life and that of Leavenworth?

Well, in the 60’s, like Leavenworth, I too was dying. My childhood included, sexual molestation, neglect, emotional abuse and my early teen years were already filled with rebellion, rage and mistrust of authority.

Always seeking after love, I ended up pregnant (first time of course) at 15 with an illegal abortion following shortly after. I was angry at adults, angry with males and mostly angry at myself. I had no purpose and the future to me, looked awful. I contemplated suicide almost daily and I lived my life with despair and whatever thrill I could find because who really cared? (I never thought I would see 30 years of age, let alone 60!)

Yet, there was another plan in the making, a plan of which I was not aware.

A voice of love and peace continued to softly call out to me, though my heart was hard and I wanted nothing to do with it.

By my 23rd birthday, still seeking after love, I had 2 failed marriages and a long list of mostly meaningless sexual encounters.
Something was going to have to change and when the voice of love and peace continued to pursue, I finally gave in.

So, tomorrow I turn 60 and I am alive! (At least I am at the time of this writing). I have a husband of almost 37 years, 3 grown children all of who are amazing and the most handsome and smartest 9 year old grandson ever!

I am surrounded by friends and family who love me unconditionally and I am at peace, knowing that I am doing exactly what God has called me to do.

Jesus offered me new life and new purpose and I took it. Although it has not always been easy….it has always been perfect. (See Archives)

So, the comparisons you ask?

Like Leavenworth, I was given a new purpose.

Like Leavenworth, I was rescued.

And like Leavenworth, I too am a miracle.

Thank you Jesus for 60 years. Thank you for my friends and family who love me. Mostly Jesus, thank you that you took this ruined and broken life and turned it into something beautiful and meaningful. Please use me and my life to help show the way to you. Amen

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3 Years in a Teardrop

 

Today is an exciting day for us.

3 Years ago today we set out from Orlando, Florida not knowing what to expect or what exactly we were doing.

It had all started about 6 months prior to this as I was listening to one of my favorite Christian speakers, Graham Cooke, on a podcast talking about how we limit God and how we, as His Children, don’t ask Him to surprise us, and oh, how He loves to surprise us!

I needed a surprise badly because boredom is never a good idea for me (see testimony on earlier blogs), so I prayed, “Lord, I could sure use a surprise!)

The next 6 months became a whirlwind of miracles and confirmations way too many to list without causing eyestrain and perhaps boredom to the reader.

By the end of May 2011, David, my husband, was retired and signed up for Social Security, I said goodbye to my job at the Orange County Courthouse, we had sold everything (except one lone plastic bin filled with my most prized possessions), cashed in Dave’s minimal 401K, packed our newly bought teardrop trailer (another miracle and the beginning of a new friendship) and said goodbye to friends and family.

So, there we were on the morning of May 23^rd, 2011, with nothing but a packed car and trailer and an unclear vision of ministry and adventure.

When we returned to Orlando for time with family and friends, sometime late fall of the same year (as I recall) my Pastors, Leah and Larry Ramirez of Resound Church asked me what we had learned so far and what title of ministry would I call what we were doing.

I thought for a moment and embarrassingly said that I had no idea, what we would call it or what exactly we were doing. Admittedly, I felt a bit stupid and totally unsure of myself until I saw her look straight at me, smile and say, “That is the perfect answer.”

So, now , as we begin our 4^th year on the road, here are a few things I have learned, so far.

1. Owning a teardrop trailer is a fantastic way to meet people. (Even when you are tired and would rather not)

2. God does in fact guide your path. (We know that on many occasions we have been exactly where we were supposed to be.)

3. Sometimes it only takes a smile to make a difference in someone’s day.

4. Everyone has a story, and a pair of listening ears can open up a place to share God’s love and form a meaningful friendship.

 

What is it that we do? We meet people, talk to people and listen to people.  We make friends.

So, to my pastors, Leah and Larry Ramirez, at the end of three years the list stated above is some of the things I have learned and what we do.

The answer to the other question of what title of ministry would I call what we were doing?

I can now smile with complete confidence and assurance of God’s leading and calling and answer, “I still have no idea.”

And I like it that way.

 

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I don’t dream but last night I had a clear and vivid dream.

I dreamt that I gave birth to a very tiny baby and for some unimaginable reason I put it in a box of some sort and put it in my closet.

Three days later, several hours from home, I remembered that I had a baby and panic flooded over me that I needed to get to that baby before it died of starvation.  I was desperate to get there and fear filled me as to what I would find when I did.

Try as I might, one detour after another hindered me and it became a fight for me to get back.  When I did finally make it back, hours and hours later, I trembled as I reached into the box.  Joy and relief flooded me as I felt movement.

I drew the baby to myself and held it closely.

Then I woke up.

It was clear and I knew there was a message.  During our worship service I “saw” that the tiny baby was a symbol of a gift that He had once given me, but for whatever reason I neglected it and put it out of my mind.

And then the day came when I remembered the gift that He had given me and I knew that the gift held my destiny within it.  It was a fight to get back to it.  Distractions, detours and man’s opinions  hindered me.  I knew that I wasn’t even worthy to have it any longer but I held on to hope.

Yes, it was still there, waiting for me to embrace it.

“For God’s gifts and his call can never be withdrawn.”  Romans 11:29
New Living Translation

Lord, I believe that this message is not just for me but for the many others that with me have set their gifts aside for whatever reason.  I pray that our hearts would be drawn back to those gifts so that we might use them to reach those in a hurting world.  Continue to burn your compassion deeper and deeper within me, so that I might see the need around me and then help me to put aside my fear of man……..that I might be used to bring comfort and healing to those who hurt.  Amen

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